when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm really busy with my period
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