Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
