I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
