I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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