thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
