If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
