is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
