how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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