Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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