I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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