Non-Jews are for practice
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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