I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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