he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize