Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I love you.
Bad choice
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
