I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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