we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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