but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we made out on top of his cat.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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