Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
