I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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