i may or may not be watching the land before time
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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