hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
