Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
