Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
