just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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