So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
