i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
