Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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