Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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