K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you still have your period?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
