how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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