the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
