Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
