You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
