hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
