He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
