Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
