I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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