A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Pants are for mortals
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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