I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
