go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
