can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
