Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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