I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh god it's open bar.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
