I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
