I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
