There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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