This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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