i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
