I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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