You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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