Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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