Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
