i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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