Kiss
Puke
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
