Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize