Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
