so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
