That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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