so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
