guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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