Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize