...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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