my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
