Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
