Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
