so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
