I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
