Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
