that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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