I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
