and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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