so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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