ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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